A Year After Losing A Friend



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How to Get Over Losing a Best Friend

Four Methods:

Ending a friendship is never easy, but it’s especially hard to lose your best friend. Whether the friendship ended because the two of you gradually grew apart or because one of you hurt the other, you can begin to move on by keeping yourself preoccupied and getting to know new people.

Quick Summary

If you need help getting over the loss of your best friend, find a new hobby that will distract you, such as writing or painting. Taking a class or volunteering in your community will help you keep yourself busy, and it will also give you the opportunity to meet new people. If you feel like you never got closure, try writing a letter to your friend with the things that you never got to say, then destroy the letter to symbolize that the past is gone.For tips on moving on and making new friends, keep reading!

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Steps

Accepting the Outcome

  1. Grieve the loss.Losing a best friend is painful. You’ll only make the whole process harder by denying your feelings. Acknowledge the disappointment and hurt you feel. Give yourself permission to grieve.
    • Regularly tune in to how you’re feeling and express those feelings. If you need to cry, go for it. If you feel angry, find constructive ways to release that anger.
  2. Get support.You won’t be able to get through this situation on your own. You’ll need to lean on people who care about you and understand the impact of the loss. Have a conversation with your parents, siblings, or another friend (unconnected to your bestie).
    • Try to open up about how you’re feeling and ask them for support. This may translate to having someone to listen to you or having someone who helps take your mind off things for a while.
  3. Perform a closure ritual.Writing about the loss can also help you move past it. Try journaling about the situation. Or pen a letter to your best friend, but don’t send it off. Use this as a way to get things off your chest, especially if you find it difficult to open up to other people in your life.
    • When you are done, you might destroy the letter to symbolize it being in the past.
  4. Return or store mementos.If you have a bunch of your ex-best friend’s things, pack them up and return them. Try boxing up any mementos or gifts, particularly if they bring up negative emotions. You might unpack them later, but for now, putting them away may help you move forward.
    • If you’d like support, ask your mom, sibling, or an unbiased third party to help you get rid of or store mementos.

Dealing with Particular Situations

  1. Take the high road if you have to see them regularly.If you will continue to see your old pal on a regular basis, try to be civil. Make a commitment to be the bigger person when the two of you make contact. Remind yourself that you once cared for this person a great deal (and probably still do). At least pay homage to that relationship by being cordial when you two interact.
    • Having an ugly confrontation or badmouthing your ex-bestie won’t help you get over things. Even if there’s bad blood between you, stay cool and avoid trying to make your mutual friends pick a side.
    • If your old pal tries to pull you into any drama, say, “I don’t want to fight with you” and walk away.
  2. Try to stay in touch if they moved away.If you lost your best friend due to a move, you can still maintain the friendship from afar. Call them often, write letters, and commit to a standing weekly Skype call. Your friendship may be different now that you're apart, but you can still keep in touch.

Staying Busy

  1. Build a self-care routine.Make yourself a top priority after a friendship breakup. Don’t feel guilty about being a little selfish with your time and energy. Create a routine that lets you pour back into your own cup for a change.
    • Upgrade your self-care by getting enough sleep, exercising, getting a massage, and watching your favorite movies.
  2. Find a hobby.An ex-best friend can leave a giant hole in your everyday life. Use that newfound time to cultivate a passion. Think about things you once liked to do or always wanted to try and go do them. Hobbies can be virtually anything.
    • Try writing, painting, dancing, or baking. You might also plan a camping trip with your family like you did when you were younger. Or get back involved with a community youth group.
  3. Redecorate your living space.Sometimes, change can feel good. Tangible changes in your home environment can help your transition into a new chapter in your life. Recharge your life by repositioning your bedroom furniture, hanging new curtains, or putting up new posters.
  4. Learn a new skill.Are you interested in a subject that you know nothing about? If so, sign up to take a class and learn something completely new to you. Trying something new on for size can be a great way to challenge yourself and preoccupy your thoughts.
    • Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn Spanish or Italian. Or perhaps you want to become a master gardener. Whatever it is, find a class or read a book about the subject to start learning.
  5. Volunteer.Community service can serve double-duty after a friendship breakup. It helps you use your time constructively, but it also presents an opportunity for you to meet new people. Consider what ways you would like to help out in your local community. By volunteering, you can connect with people who have the same interests as you.
    • Volunteer opportunities vary based on your location. Talk to a teacher or community leader to inquire about different ways you can help out.

Making New Friends

  1. Put yourself out there.When it comes to forming new friendships, you’ll have to stick your neck out. You can’t expect new friends to just fall into your lap; it’ll take effort. Join new clubs or organizations at your school. Choose a new place in your community where other people your age hang out.
    • When you meet someone new, show your interest. Ask the person about themselves and try to find things the two of you have in common to build a connection. Don't focus on the subject of your estranged friend. Instead, just try to get to know the new person.
  2. Be a better friend.In addition to choosing positive friends, you also want to be that friend to someone else. Reflect on some of the ways you could have been a better friend to your ex-bestie. As you form new friendships, try to develop better habits this time around.
    • Good friends are excellent listeners, able to let their friends be themselves, and are there when their friends need them. Find ways in which you can start being a better friend.
  3. Consider getting to know some of your current friends better.You may have never considered it, but there may be someone among your current friends who is best friend material. Spend more time with people you feel a connection with and see what unfolds.
    • Maybe you have a regular study buddy that you don't know all that well. You might say to him after a study session, "Hey, man, I was thinking of grabbing a bite to eat. Would you like to join me?"
    • Spending time with this person one-on-one outside your usual context may help you get to know them better.
  4. Don’t attempt to replace your former bestie.You don’t have to rush off one week after the breakup and select a new best friend. The best friendships form over time, as mutual trust and respect develops. Don’t set out to replace your old friend. Instead, focus on forming good supportive relationships.
    • When a potential new “best” friend presents themselves, you’ll know. Don’t allow just anyone to hold that title.

Community Q&A

Search
  • Question
    My best friend died. We were so close and now I can't feel happy at all. What can I do to get over this?

    Clinical Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
    Clinical Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Death at a young age is especially difficult--because it is not something we expect to happen. Talk over your memories of your best friend with other friends or family. Be patient with yourself, and don't expect to recover quickly. Grieving is like growing a scab over an open wound--it takes time.
    Thanks!
  • Question
    What to do when you have lost your best friend but it's all you fault?

    Clinical Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983.
    Clinical Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    If you are clear about your own role, it can be a good idea to convey that to you friend in some form--a card, email, or text. Be sure to honor if your friend has asked for a certain amount of time with no contact. Don't overload them. Above all, be patient and realize that you cannot control the outcome.
    Thanks!
  • Question
    My friends and I decided to break it off (they were always rude to me anyway). But instead of being happy that I can move on to better friends, I am so disappointed in myself. Why?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Community Answer
    Losing a friend is very painful and your heart just wants them back, no matter how bad or rude they were to you. Just stay strong; over time you will come to appreciate that you made the right decision.
    Thanks!
  • Question
    How do you cope after losing your whole friend squad?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Community Answer
    Do something nice for yourself, this is a big dent to your confidence. But realize that if these friends cut you out, they weren't worth trying to keep as friends, since their hearts are so closed. When you feel ready again, look for new friends. Be social, talk with people you never thought you would talk to before. Form a new squad, and look at the positives of meeting new people, and finding people you can trust. You might also consider not belonging to a large group but just having a few, good quality friends instead.
    Thanks!
  • Question
    What should I do when I don't know what I did wrong, but she just started ignoring me and all the messages I send her?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Community Answer
    Unfortunately sometimes people use the silent treatment to break up a friendship because they have no idea how to pluck up the courage to talk. If she can't find it in herself to message you, then she's in the wrong. While it could be something you did, it's probable she's upset with herself too. Just let go, don't message her, delete her number and social media contact details, don't block her, just remove her from any form of contact. If she realizes she made a mistake, she may contact you, but don't message her as it may make the situation worse. It's now time to look for a new friend.
    Thanks!
  • Question
    How should I respond if I see her again, and she says that she misses me?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Community Answer
    Hear her out. Maybe she really does miss you and regrets what happened between you two. If you still don't want to be in contact, let her know that it can't continue. Apologize, but stand firm, and say that you can't stay friends.
    Thanks!
  • Question
    Today my best friend didn't come to school. She told me that she was ill and I trusted her. Then I saw her with a couple other friends on Snapchat in the mall with SQUAD written on the photo.
    wikiHow Contributor
    Community Answer
    I'm not saying you should cut her off completely, but take a step back from her maybe. See how things turn out without her, and see how you feel during that period. You shouldn't be taken for granted like that. It's not fair on you. My best friend is like that, so I did that method and now we don't talk as much, we are still friends but not as close and that way no one gets hurt.
    Thanks!
  • Question
    What should I do if I see her in school or in public?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Community Answer
    Wave if eye contact occurs, and walk right past. Keep to your business, and leave her to hers.
    Thanks!
  • Question
    What if I have done something wrong or bad, and I regret it, I try to make up with them, but they do not want to respond?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Community Answer
    Many people do mistakes like that and regret it. If your friend doesn't want to come back to the friendship, make some new friends or try to forget about it. They probably just don't want it to go on.
    Thanks!
  • Question
    My ex-best friend and I just had a fight and decided to not be friends anymore. However, we are partnered up for a project at school. How can I get through this project?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Community Answer
    Just talk with them and see if it would be possible to put the past behind you on this project - after all, you were mature enough to decide together not to be friends. If this is a home assignment, you can talk over text or email, which is significantly less awkward than in person.
    Thanks!
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Expert Review By:
Clinical Social Worker

of How to Get Over Losing a Best Friend was reviewed by on November 17, 2019.

9 votes - 78%
Click a star to vote
78% of people told us that this article helped them.
Co-authors:
Updated:
Views: 689,847

Kira Cone

Jun 23

"My friend was always rude to me and to other people. My other friends told her they didn't like her. At times shewas a good friend, but I couldn't be friends with her. I broke off ties to her, but she says she'll kill me. But she wont. I just want to say thank you! Now I can finally be free. "
Rated this article:

Hailey Jo

Mar 25

"I just lost my best friend tonight after 10 years. She did some stupid stuff last week and told me;d I got madabout what she did. Tonight she posted a Snapchat story that really upset me and I told her how i feel. She said she didn't care about my feelings in the first place. After 10 years, you would think your best friend that you call your sister wouldn't say she doesn't care about you and means it. I like this article, it's time to make new friends and new memories."
Rated this article:

Tilly

Feb 4, 2019

"I lost a great friend of mine when I told her how I feel. She just did not understand or forgive me. Then Irealized that maybe I had realized her true colors, so instead I tried making new friends. These definitely helped me when I was upset about it. Thank you, I will remember this site!"

Liz Grace

May 18, 2019

"I just lost a best friend who was dating someone who I didn't get along with. She decided she didn't want to be myfriend anymore, and that I was rude to him when he was really rude to me. I've been taking it hard. I am going to try this article's advice."

Chris Cumming

Jun 2, 2019

"I am a minister and I just lost my best friend of nine years. She is getting married and I do not wish to be astumbling block to that relationship. I wish them every blessing & all the good things they can find together. This site helped me."

Anonymous

Nov 14, 2019

"Thank you for making this. I lost my friend and I think it was all my fault, but now I notice that things happenwithin life, and that you have to know that. It made me understand that just thinking of your old friends isn't gonna help."

Maggie DelGaone

Mar 1, 2019

"The thing that helped the best was the Q & A, because I know that I'm not alone when dealing with this and thatthere are people I can relate to in the world. I feel like I can tell someone because they might understand me now."

Angel Murphy

Aug 20, 2019

"Losing a best friend is heartbreaking. Feeling as though you are second to anyone when you always make them first.Reading the entire article made me realize that I am not alone, and I can be OK in time."

Katelyn Carter

Nov 7, 2019

"I have been not able to cope well with what's been going on in my life. This article has offered help and advicewhen I most needed it. I really appreciate it."

Anonymous

Jan 5

"It's better to give the other person time instead of confronting them about the problem. Let things be, it willheal over time if this person cares about you."

Elizabeth Brown

Apr 11, 2019

"It made me think about my best friend. I asked myself a lot of questions about this best friend, and I realizedthat I have to have a new start and let go."

Elizabeth Johnson

Nov 7, 2019

"Thank you. This really helped. He was my friend but we started dating and we broke up and we were going to befriends but he told me he didn't want to."

Chloe Nolan

May 2, 2019

"I lost my best friend of 12 years who was like a sister to me and she hates me now over the silliest of things.This will help. "

Anonymous

Oct 31, 2019

"Accepting the truth is the hardest, but the message is an effective one; if you keep lying to yourself, you'll geteven worse."

Aathira Nair

Nov 23, 2019

"Tips were helpful, adding clear illustrations and detail. Thank you so much, please keep up the good work!"

Lilly Agshikwa

Mar 16

"Thank you so much, this helped me to accept what has happened and that not all friendships are perfect."

Aaliyah German

Aug 21, 2019

"Good tip to try to go outside in the night and play some music if you're surrounded by your family. "

Anonymous

Jan 24

"Helpful in accepting the situation rather than trying to ignore and move on."

Jessica Evans

Aug 11, 2019

"Just that I have to be myself and not care what she thinks helps."

Anonymous

Dec 15, 2019

"Thank you very much. This may help me get through a tough time."

Megan Herbert

Jul 28, 2019

"It was exactly what I needed, and made me feel a bit happier."

Anonymous

Apr 5, 2019

"Awesome article. Really helps! I recommend reading this!"

Alexa Johnson

May 5, 2019

"It reminded me that it was their loss, and not mine."

Rayna Barnes

Jan 11

"It was great, I feel confident that I can move on."

Moniaa Brown

Nov 1, 2019

"It was great, everything you said was right!"

Juan Tartalo

Nov 29, 2019

"This really helped me. Thank you so much!"

Alexa Claire Cuadero

Oct 28, 2019

"I feel great about it and the story."
Rated this article:

Lydia C.






Video: GIRLTALK: Losing Friends

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Date: 10.12.2018, 12:06 / Views: 52441


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