Feminist Isn't Impressed By Her Date's Accidental Sexist Joke!! | First Dates Abroad
How to Date As a Feminist
Being a feminist means you value yourself as a person, and that as a person with power, worth, and self-confidence, you approach a date as an equal. It also means you have the power to say no to many of the restrictive dating norms, and that can be wonderful for your partner. Being a feminist means you can be fun, sexy, and free to be yourself.
Consider whether you're ready for dating.Ask yourself if you've sorted out any serious personal issues, and if you have good communication skills. In order to handle a relationship, you need to know how to assert yourself, set boundaries, and get along with a new and different person.
- If you aren't ready yet, that's okay. Focus on yourself and your own issues first. Taking time for yourself can be good.There's plenty of time for dating once you feel a little more confident and secure.
Be comfortable with yourself.Remember that dating is about your own personal happiness. It is not about conforming to a certain kind of image or type of relationship with a certain kind of person. Move at your own pace, make decisions based on your comfort level, and communicate with your date.
Know yourself and what you like.Let your self-knowledge inform your choices, so that you're most likely to attract the right type of person.
- Dress up a little for a date, while staying with what feels comfortable for you. Don't try to "fake it" by wearing certain types of clothes or makeup that you don't like. You want your date to like you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.
- Decide ahead of time what type of physical contact you are willing to do on a first date, and what is too much for you.
Recognize that you don't need to conform, or to not conform, to gender roles.You're allowed to want to be feminine, or to not be feminine. You don't have to feel guilty based on your personal preferences.
- Around 90% of men are okay with women making the first move when it comes to things like kissing.
- Don't change yourself for a partner. Instead, find a partner who accepts you as you are.
Decide how early, if ever, you want to mention your feminist beliefs.Some people feel nervous about telling their dates that they're a feminist, while others like to be open about it so that they can weed out the bad matches right away.
- Know the warning signs of an aggressive person. Some men feel very threatened by feminism and may turn aggressive or even violent. Your safety comes first.
- Keep in mind that not everyone understands feminism. Someone who isn't well-informed may think that you hate and want to oppress men. Are you okay with having this conversation?
Consider online dating.Online dating can help you get a sense of who someone is by looking at their profile.
- Asking to only be messaged by those accepting of feminists can give you interesting results. You may get haters, but also some really open-minded people.
Remember that you don't owe a chance to anybody.You don't owe someone a date, no matter how nice they are.If it doesn't feel right, or they aren't your type, you don't have to go on a mediocre date with them.
- They'll probably be able to tell that you aren't happy to be there, anyway.
- You are allowed to disappoint other people by setting boundaries. You don't owe anyone your time, or access to your body.
Don't overthink the small things.It's okay to appreciate a partner who does nice gestures like paying the bill or opening a door for you.As long as they come from a place of good manners, instead of a place of condescension, there's nothing wrong with it. You aren't a "bad feminist" for appreciating when your partner goes out of their way to make you feel special.
- Sometimes, men who mean well may do things that could have sexist undertones. Keep in mind that they may not have thought it through, or that there may be context you weren't aware of (e.g., the man worrying about your ability to use the elevator because you're carrying a big box, not because you're female).
Take it as fast or as slow if you'd like.Feminism doesn't mean that you have to be sexy or that you have to avoid "giving it up"—it means that you should be empowered to make the choice that's right for you. Go at a speed that is comfortable for both you and your partner.
- If it's going too fast, say "I think we need to slow down. I'm getting overwhelmed, and I want this to last."
Recognizing a Good Partner
Avoid settling for something that makes you unhappy.It's better to be single than to be stuck with a partner who is a drag on your life or emotional well-being.Don't compromise on what's important to you, or you'll just end up feeling under-appreciated and alone.
- Compromises are for little things, like "Where are we eating tonight?" or "How much does it matter if my partner leaves their socks on the floor?" They're for times when you'd prefer to get your way, but can handle it if you don't. They're not for the big issues, like "Does my partner respect my beliefs?" or "Am I happy?"
Notice someone who respects and accepts your differences.A jealous or grudging partner isn't a good one. Pay attention to how this person treats you when you are being yourself. Are they accepting of or unhappy about your personality, style, and beliefs?
- Only date people who support your feminist beliefs. Otherwise, they aren't worth your time, and you should look for a better match.
Recognize a date who gives back to you.Your partner should be someone you enjoy spending time with, who generally makes you feel better instead of worse. They should treat you well, just like you treat them well. Look for someone who is a positive influence in your life.
- Look at whether there's any reciprocity with regards to emotional labor. Just like you're willing to be there for your partner, is your partner happy to listen and validate your feelings when you're going through a tough time? Or is it all about them?
- Consider whether they do nice things for you.
Video: The Ideal Dinner Date for a Leading Feminist Blogger
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